Joke Of The Day

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  • <snort!> 20-year-old Escort!
  • Just for you Dave to make your days seem great again.

  • Why can't I use 'beefstew' as a password?

    It isn't stroganoff.

  • Greeks and Spanish use it as a viagra alternative....

    A-stiff-ardo.

    Sorry!
  • Owwww! x2
  • AntiCrap said:
    Be assured that Colin has a special license from Thames Water to do that.
  • It was the Seven near you he he

  • Did you hear about the spider who got a new sports car?

    He took it out for a spin!
  • I stayed up all night to see where the sun goes... then it dawned on me.



    I gave a theatrical performance about puns... it was a play on words.
  • What do you call a longshoreman who only unloads sugar substitutes?

    A steviadore 
  •  
    The same as the post above, but for some reason pics linked from a phone wont show up on a desktop computer!
  • I booked a table for my wife and I on valentine's Day.

    I can see it ending in tears, she's rubbish at snooker.
  • Alan said:
    I booked a table for my wife and I on valentine's Day.

    I can see it ending in tears, she's rubbish at snooker.
    Rats I have to cook, so I am getting a bag pack for another hospital stay either for food poisoning or a bashing..
  • HOW I LEARNED TO MIND MY OWN BUSINESS...

    I was walking past the mental hospital the other day and all the patients were shouting, ’13….13….13.’

    The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little gap in the planks, so I looked through to see what was going on.

    Some idiot poked me in the eye with a stick!
    Then they all started shouting, ’14….14….14.’

  • Howard Popeck Sent this to me today I giggled as it sounded like my phone spent the few mins trying to find. Thanks Howard Popeck


    https://www.facebook.com/100009251212044/videos/3001958200122524/?t=9










  • With all the sports events being cancelled I've heard that they are televising the World Origami championships. It's on paper view.
  • uglymusic said:
    Did you hear about the spider who got a new sports car?

    He took it out for a spin!
    He also found it on the web.
    It was as smooth as silk but boy that thing could fly.


    I claim the special late reaction award!
  • The DVLA told the press today that new issue driving licences will be printed in Braille for those driver that can't see other road users.
  • Most people will have heard of Karl Marx but few know of his sister Onya the inventor of the starting pistol.
  • It's an old one, but as we haven't had a joke for a while, I offer you:

    A rabbit walks into a pub and says to the barman,
    'Can I have a pint of beer, and a Ham and Cheese Toastie?'
    The barman is amazed, but gives the rabbit a pint of beer and a ham and cheese toastie.
    The rabbit drinks the beer and eats the toastie. He then leaves.
    The following night the rabbit returns and again asks for a pint of beer, and a Ham and Cheese Toastie.
    The barman, now intrigued by the rabbit and the extra drinkers in the pub, (because word gets round), gives the rabbit the pint and the Toastie. The rabbit consumes them and leaves.
    The next night, the pub is packed.
    In walks the rabbit and says, 'A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman.'
    The crowd is hushed as the barman gives the rabbit his pint and toastie, and then burst into applause as the rabbit wolfs them down.
    The next night there is standing room only in the pub.
    Coaches have been laid on for the crowds of patrons attending.
    The barman is making more money in one week than he did all last year
    In walks the rabbit and says, 'A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman.'
    The barman says, 'I'm sorry rabbit, old mate, old mucker, but we are right out of them Ham and Cheese Toasties.'
    The rabbit looks aghast.
    The crowd has quietened to almost a whisper, when the barman clears his throat nervously and says,
    'We do have a very nice Cheese and Onion Toastie.
    The rabbit looks him in the eye and says, 'Are you sure I will like it.'
    The crowd's bated breath is ear shatteringly silent.
    The barman, with a roguish smile says, 'Do you think that I would let down one of my best friends. I know you'll love it.'
    'Ok,' says the rabbit, 'I'll have a pint of beer and a Cheese and Onion Toastie.'
    The pub erupts with glee as the rabbit quaffs the beer and guzzles the toastie.
    He then waves to the crowd and leaves....
    NEVER TO RETURN!!!!!!
    One year later, in the now impoverished public house, the barman, (who has only served 4 drinks tonight, 3 of which were his), calls time.
    When he is cleaning down the now empty bar, he sees a small white form, floating above the bar.
    The barman says, 'Who are you?
    To which he is answered,
    'I am the ghost of the rabbit that used to frequent your public house.'
    The barman says, 'I remember you. You made me famous.
    You would come in every night and have a pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie. Masses came to see you and this place was famous.'
    The rabbit says, 'Yes I know.'
    The barman said, 'I remember, on your last night we didn't have any Ham and Cheese Toasties. You had a Cheese and Onion one instead.'
    The rabbit said, 'Yes, you promised me that I would love it.'
    The barman said, 'You never came back, what happened?'
    'I DIED', said the rabbit.
    'NO!' said the barman. 'What from?'
    After a short pause, the rabbit said ...
    'Mixin-me-toasties'

  • An oldy but goody
  • I thought so ;-)
  • This is why I ask for good packing and do not use Hermes.
    https://www.facebook.com/waynepissheadmillin/videos/10224880112096893
  • Q) Why can't Trump go to the White House anymore?





    A) Because it's FOR BIDEN
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